Thursday, September 8, 2011

So blessed....but still another reminder

The boys are involved in program at church called AWANA. AWANA stands for "Approved Workmen Are Not Ashamed" and it comes from 2 Timothy 2:15 which states "Be diligent to present yourself approved to God as a workman who does not need to be ashamed, accurately handling the word of truth." It is a wonderful program that encourages scripture memory and teaches about God, His Word, and missions. Nathan is in Sparks which is for kindergarten through 2nd grade and Luke is in Cubbies for 3 and 4 year olds. It is amazing the amount of scripture that they can learn at this age. I love it!

Although Luke is old enough for Cubbies, Roger and I contemplated holding him back, simply because he cannnot recite the verses. His communication is still limited. But receptively , he gets it. He understands so much. We didn't want to limit what he could learn, especially God's Word, just because he could not say it yet. We are blessed to have wonderful workers in AWANA. The Cubbies workers are fantastic. They are loving, caring people who have a heart for the children and instilling God's Word in their hearts. So I am glad we chose to let Luke be a Cubbie this year. I know it will only benefit him.

Last night was parents night at Cubbies. I was hesitant to go as I was afraid I might be a distraction for Luke. I should have went with my instinct. Despite the many remarks we have received that Luke has been a great little Cubbie, listening and attentive, last night he was anything but that. He moved around almost constantly, was more vocal and more disruptive. It was like wrestling a little bear cub! During Bible verse time, he did not want to sit but rather tried to rummage through my purse to get my iPhone so he could find his favorite app. I was constatnly trying to redirect him without causing more distraction. It was difficult for me. I didn't want him to disrupt the others just because I was there and yet, if I had left, it would have probably caused a bigger problem because he was used to me being there. The workers assured me that he never acts this way when I am not there. I am so glad! By the end of the night, I was exhausted, physically and emotionally.

It was a hard night for me. I was so excited to see all that he is learning in Cubbies. It is a great program. The kids are precious and are like sponges, soaking up these life giving words. I know Luke is gaining from this but it was still tough. I am so glad that he is able to be a part of the class and be around his typically developing peers without being too much of a distraction. But at the same time, it was hard for me to see him with all of his peers. You see, sometimes I forget about the autism. Sounds crazy, I know. But, it is true. When we are at home or around family, this is our norm. Differences aren't so notable. But when he is with his friends, his deficits are very obvious. And, at this age, friends are starting to notice that he is different. I am so glad that he doesn't know that he is different. There are so many reasons you want your child to stand out in the crowd, like being one of character, integrity, dependability... but standing out because they act a little different and can't talk isn't one of them. That is how last night hit me. My heart was heavy for my son. Oh, how I want him to be like his friends. What I wouldn't give to hear him talk like them and do the things they are able to do.

I don't want to sound like a pity party. I have been known to have those. I am so grateful for that little boy. He is more than precious to me and he brings our family joy every day. It's just hard sometimes when I am reminded of how he is different than others. I know God has great things in store for Luke. God created him . He is fearfully and wonderfully made. I know this. God will work in him for Luke's good and His own glory. I believe that wholeheartedly because it is in God's Word. I know all these things but somtimes, it is just hard to see so clearly the challenges facing your child. My prayer is that as we walk through life, one day at a time, we will be mindful of all the wonderful blessings and abilities Luke has, not focus on what he can't do right now. We pray that the verses that we talk to Luke about will be hidden in his precious heart and God will use them in a mighty way to work in Luke's life and reach others for Him.

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