I am his voice

Anyone who knows me well knows that I am a behind the scenes gal. That is where I am most comfortable. I would rather write any day than speak to a group. The thought of speaking in front of people, even a small group, is uncomfortable for me. It's funny (or not so funny) that I now find myself out of my comfort zone on a regular basis.

I have to be more vocal for Luke and I have to be heard. Sometimes, I have to be loud. It's not really so much about volume as it is substance. You see, I am a team leader of sorts. I oversee therapy, school, doctor appointments, etc. He has a great team of doctors, teachers and therapists that work with him. It is my responsibility to take the information given to me by the team, learn from it, and try to determine what will help Luke. I have to speak for him and make sure he gets what he needs.

Really, what parent is not the voice of their child, at least for a period of time? I understand that. But now, I am learning a new language. Words like early intervention, sensory processing, applied behavior analysis, structure, and routine. I am familiar with several of these from my background as an occupational therapist. I am learning that because this is not just a patient, but my own child that is dealing with autism, I need to be reeducated in the best treatment methods to help him. The instruction I had in OT school prepared me to work with other people's children, not necessarily my own. There is an emotional component that makes you forget so much of what was previously learned. Having a special needs child gives you a whole new perspective - on everything.

God has been in this every step of the way. He has answered prayers, opened doors, and given us direction. He has a plan in this for Luke and our family. I have a strong faith in the One who made my little boy. Luke can't talk right now but I have high hopes that he will one day. He is starting to use word approximations and he is vocal, just not really intelligible. I pray that God would give me the patience, strength, perseverance, and clarity to say what needs to be said (or written) and be heard with the intent with which it is given. So, it is in faith that I step out of my corner and speak up. I have to say that it is getting a little easier and should continue to with time and circumstance. But, it's not about me. It is about so much more. My little guy is so precious and I want him to get all the services he needs, not just to get by, but to thrive. I think, in speaking up for Luke, I am finding my voice as well. I pray that it is sufficient, for Luke's sake.