Thankful for the crumbs

We just returned from a wonderful, restful vacation in Destin, Florida a couple of days ago.  It was so nice to get a way and I am thankful for the opportunity to relax.  My parents went with us and we really enjoyed our time together. So, you would think that after such a great week, I would be in a fantastic mood, thankful for everything.  Unfortunately, since the morning we packed up to come home, I have found myself grumbling and complaining.  I didn't take my blood pressure, but I am sure it steadily went up as we neared home.  I rushed around getting the laundry done and tried to "tidy up" a bit.  You know how it is when you get back from vacation - it looked like our suitcases had exploded.  Everything was everywhere.  For some reason, I felt the need to try to make my place look like something out of Better Homes and Gardens.  My house has never been spotless and I am not sure why I wanted to try to make it look that way.  I think maybe that I just felt the pressures of reality sinking back in and I needed to be productive.  School starts back in a few days and I needed to get things done.  All of the rushing around didn't make me feel any better and the house is not much better off than when we got home.   I wondered where all these clothes had come from to make up so many loads of laundry.  I swept and swept and wondered where all the crumbs had come from ( my boys!) and how long they had been there.  I was determined to teach them to follow through with cleaning up the messes they make.  After all, how are they going to become responsible adults if they can't clean up after themselves, right?  Yeah.  I was delusional and tired.  And ridiculous.  What was wrong with me?  I will tell you.  Selfishness.  Pride.  Impatience.  How can I even remotely expect perfection from my kids when they see their very imperfect mother everyday?  Why would I even want them to try to be perfect?  It is impossible.  The last thing I want to do is raise a little pharisee.  None of us will ever be perfect this side of heaven.  We can do nothing even close to that apart from Christ.  I was doing anything but show them God's grace and mercy. I was putting expectations upon them that I couldn't fulfill myself.  Shame on me.

God has a way of shining a light on things.  He brought to mind a former classmate of mine from high school who lost his young daughter less than a year ago.  I cannot imagine the ache he must feel everyday for the loss of his child.  My heart became so heavy for his loss.  I can't fathom the pain of losing a child.  I have two healthy, busy boys.  They make messes.  So what?  If I didn't have my boys, sure my laundry would be a little lighter and the crumbs wouldn't be as many, but the mess would still be here because Roger and I are here and we make messes too.  I am just glad that their crumbs are here too.  I would rather have their messes than not have them.  That is a no brainer.  I lost sight of my blessings.  I have an opportunity to show them God's love and mercy....to tell them about His grace, His Son....to teach them about repentance.....to teach them to forgive and to ask for forgiveness.  And I can train them to clean up too. They truly are gifts from God. He is so good and gracious to me.  It is so good to know that God can use broken vessels.  So thankful that He is not finished working on me.

My two little crumb makers