I never liked Statistics in college. It was a class I struggled with but managed to get through with a passing grade. It was probably my least favorite class. My kind of stats are "4 out of 5 dentists prefer (toothpaste)." I can understand that. If only it was that easy.
Roger and I have been to a few seminars and conferences about autism over the past year. They give lots of statistics at those too. Stats like "30-50 percent of children with autism are mentally retarded." I don't want to hear that. This one is no fun to hear either: "families that have a special needs child have an 80 percent divorce rate." It is a sad statistic but I understand how it can happen.
Over the past year, we have grieved over our son who will face many challenges ahead. Many tears have been shed. We have researched autism until almost crazy, wondering if we are doing enough to help Luke while trying to balance the needs of our 5 year old, Nathan. We are trying to figure out how to prevent Nathan from resenting Luke for the attention he receives because of autism. We go to doctors and school. We have had therapy in our home. And then there is just life. Since autism has become part of our vocabulary, we have been busy. I am not saying all this to whine. Almost every one I know is busy with something. But, our busy-ness has consumed us in many ways. All too often, our days have just been about survival. Just making it until the kids went to bed was the goal, then we could collapse and try to get rest before starting it all over again. Our conversations were more and more about the boys and less and less about us. Somewhere along the way, we lost our focus. We were heading in the same direction, wanting the same thing for our boys, but they were becoming the priority.
The last couple of weeks have been difficult but good. Kind of an "evaluation" of our marriage. There has been much giving and forgiving. Much grace has been shown to me by my sweet Roger. I have been humbled and in awe of how God works. What could have been a hard time for us has been what has driven us together. Our commitment to each other and our family is as strong as ever. We have devoted time for each other every night after the boys are in bed. I haven't had time to blog because I have been spending time with my husband! It has been wonderful! We have been praying together, reading together, talking to each other ( about things other than the boys), and remembering all over again how and why we fell in love 12 years ago. These are things we should have been doing all along the way but, again, we had become complacent. We took each other for granted. We have been distracted and have neglected us. It is scary how easily that can happen.
Now, we are commited to the priority of "us." By the grace of God, we will not be a statistic. Our boys are still a priority, without a doubt. But, one of the best things we can do for them is be strong in our faith and our commitment to each other so that we can be what we need to be for each other and, thus, be what we need to be for them. I am so thankful that God has blessed me with Roger and the boys. They are truly gifts from Him. We have certainly not done things perfectly here. I pray that God receives all the glory from the good that will come from the messes I have made. I know His Word to be true so I can lean on Romans 8:28 and know that He will!
Romans 8:28 : "For we know that all things work together for good to those who love god, to those who are called according to His purpose."
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