Play Ball!

This past Saturday was a day that I both looked forward to and dreaded at the same time. It was Jamboree Day at Mim's Park. The opening day of ball season. It was a very beautiful but very long day. It was also a much anticipated day at our house. This year, not one, but both boys are playing t-ball. This is big. Nathan played last year and had a good time. Even with just one child playing, Jamboree Day is long. But now, Luke is playing too. This is new for us. This is big. Our child with autism is playing t-ball with typical kids. So Jamboree Day is even longer this year and full of all sorts of uncertainties. How will Luke handle all of this? How will we handle this? Will he make it through the game or will it just be too much for him? I don't know, I don't know, and I don't know. Am I nervous? Is this scary? Am I afraid? Yes, yes, and yes. Goal of the day: try to have fun... and survive.

Our day started early: 7:15 a.m. Luke's team had pictures made first thing that morning which was a good thing considering that his team, the Yankees, are in white pants. It may be the only time we have a picture with his pants so white! Then opening ceremonies began at 8:00 a.m. All the teams were called out on the field, the national anthem was sang, then "play ball!" was announced on the speaker. Well, so far so good.

Luke's game started at 9:15 a.m. He was excited, I think. Sometimes it is hard to tell. He went out on the field with Roger. Great thing about the 4 year old league is that parents are welcome on the field (and needed) to help instruct the little ones as each hitter comes to the plate. Luke mostly stood there with Roger and watched as his team mates tackled each other to get the ball and by then, the runner had long since made it to first base. He was more of an observer but that was ok for me. He was out there and he wasn't crying. When it was his team's turn to bat, he waited patiently for his turn, then went out there, and with instruction from Coach Shawn, he hit the ball! It was a pretty good hit too! He ran with a smile on his face to first base. He eventually made it all the way around the bases. Success! It was great to see him participate! He looked so happy. Then, he had to go back on the field. He was growing tired and I could see Roger was having to work more with him to try to get him to stay on the field. By then, it was almost 10:00 a.m. and the activities of the morning were wearing on him. He made it to the dugout with his team but by the time it was his turn to bat, he had basically had enough. He cried and cried. He kept saying "pee-sa" over and over. I couldn't figure it out then I looked outside the fence and saw Nathan drinking a Capri-Sun and realized Luke wanted one too. I tried to bribe him to go bat while I got his drink but it was no use. He was too upset and tired to continue. He finished the game sitting in the shade, watching his team, and drinking a Capri-Sun.

Next, I hurried off to fulfill my one hour obligatory concession stand duty then back to the field for Nathan's team pictures at 11:15. Luke was happy playing with Gran and eating snacks so attending to Nathan's team schedule went a little more smoothly. We had a short break which meant grabbing a quick lunch then back to the field by 1:30 for Nathan's game. Nathan did great and his team looked great. It was neat to see the progress he has made since last year. He had a good time and his team "unoffically" won - since Jamboree games don't count on the schedule. We were almost finished with the big day. Nathan told me how tired he was after the game. "Yes! We can go home and rest!" or so I thought. He reminded me that he still had one more thing to do that day: go to his good friend's birthday party. I should have previously added that Nathan had been sick most of the week prior to Jamboree and woke up at 5:00 a.m. that morning crying with an ear ache. I thought for sure we were done. Everyone was tired. But, we had just one more thing.

We went home long enough to change clothes and then headed out again for the party. Nathan had a great time with his friends and I am so glad we went. It did not matter that I was ready to fall out on the floor at Pump It Up. I had a chance to sit for a while and visit with friends while my big boy had fun with his friends. It was nice. So the day is over, right? Almost. We got home, got the boys cleaned up and into bed. Then, I headed back out to borrow some ear drops from my sweet friend just in case an overnight earache came back to haunt us. She saved me a trip to an urgent care clinic and 24 hour pharmacy. (Thanks Hope!). Then I crashed into bed. Ahhhhh....

We made it through the day. It was a long day filled with new memories and new possibilities. Luke is playing t-ball and making new friends. Nathan is playing t-ball even better than last year and he is making new friends too. Roger and I are once again out of our comfort zone and we are learning more about life and ourselves through the simple (or not so simple) game of t-ball. Maybe we will make some new friends too. Here's to a new season!

A Perfect Fit

So, it has been a while since I have been on here. I have a feeling all of my upcoming posts could begin with that sentence. It has been so busy in our household lately, just like everyone else I guess. Some exciting things are happening....

A couple of weeks ago, we loaded up in the car and headed over to Mim's Park to sign Nathan up for his second year of t-ball. He is excited and we are too. He has made such progress since last year. I think he will really enjoy it more this year too. When we arrived at the park and went in to the park office, there was a lot of hustle and bustle with parents signing their kids up for ball. There were team jerseys hanging up all around and as soon as Luke saw them, he was so excited. He started pointing to them and talking. I told the woman at the desk that we were there to sign Nathan up for ball. Luke spoke up and said "Lu pay too." He thought we were there to sign him up as well. We had talked about it. There is a Challenger league at another park that is for kids with disabilities but we thought it might be better to wait another year before pursuing this with Luke.

At Mim's, there is a 4 year old league which is more for the parents than for the kids! It is simply instructional, no score is kept at the games. Just trying to teach them the basics. To say Luke was excited is really an understatement. Another worker there that night asked if we wanted to sign Luke up too. We were hesitant but we told them about Luke, his autism, and our concerns. They were so welcoming and encouraged us to sign Luke up. The manager bent down to talk to Luke. He asked Luke if he liked to hit the ball. Luke: "I hit ball." He asked Luke if he liked to run fast. Luke: "I run fast." Then Luke said once again, "I pay too." We decided to go for it.

He had is first practice last week and I guess it went as well as could be expected. It takes a great deal of patience to be a coach, and extra if you coach t-ball, and a monumental amount if you coach 4 year old t-ball.
Luke's coach is so very kind and patient. Of course, parent participation is absolutely necessary to keep the kids focused on what they are supposed to be doing. Roger spent the entire practice with Luke on the field. He was working so hard to help Luke. All went well until he tried to put a helmet on Luke's head. That's when Luke lost it. He cried and cried and would not wear one. If he doesn't wear a helmet, he can't bat. Park rules. So, after some time, we were able to calm him and he finished the practice out in the field with his team.

This was hard. I haven't thought about what a father must feel like when he sees his son is different than other kids his age. I have been in situations before where I was so very aware that my child was different and it was so hard for me. Now, Roger was experiencing it in a very real way. This is going to be a challenge for us over the next couple of months. We know that it is going to be good for Luke, but I think it is Roger and I that will be learning the lessons the most. It's hard not to compare. We are so guilty of it. No matter how hard we try, we see others his age and think "that's what Luke should be doing now." It's not fair to him. He is precious and doesn't deserve to be compared because he is extraordinary just as he is. So, we all have our challenges ahead this ball season.

One of the first challenges is just trying to get Luke to wear a helmet. His little head, well, is not all that little. Nathan's helmet is too small for Luke and it hurts his head. So, we went to Academy Sports in search of a helmet. We just might have tried on every helmet there and it wasn't looking good. And then, there was that moment, maybe like when the slipper went on Cinderella's foot. He picked up a helmet and put it on and smiled his sweet Lukey smile, dimples and all. Eureka! We found it! Perfect fit! Roger took the boys, who were growing restless, to the car and I headed to the check out with our prized helmet. We didn't bother looking at price tags when trying on helmets, seriously didn't even think about it. We were in desperation mode. No helmet, no t-ball. That was our thinking. Then the worker scanned the helmet. My jaw dropped and I was had to take a moment. Are you serious? I bought it anyway and told the lady that I would probably be back the next morning to return it. I won't tell you how much it cost, only that if not Luke, someone in this family will be wearing that helmet for years to come. The great news is that he loves it and will wear it without crying. He has slept with it in his bed for the past couple of nights and even wore it to breakfast one morning. We may actually make it to the first game now. I can't think beyond that.

Here we are. Starting on a new adventure. We are mingling with the general population. This is out of our comfort zone. Our school friends know us. Our church friends know us. But now, our ball park friends have got to get to know us and Luke. We are exposed to new people and new things. We did this last year with Nathan and it was good. But now, our child with autism is playing t-ball with typical kids. This puts him in a new light. I try to think of it as opportunity to educate others, maybe break down stereotypes. But that is my thinking on a strong day. In reality, I am scared. That is my thinking on a weak day. I don't want him to be labeled or made fun of. I have trouble dealing with other people who may not be so kind. I want to protect him. At least, that is what I say. I guess in reality, I want to protect me. Staying to ourselves, sheltering him is not the answer. That's not always what is best for him. My sweet, social little guy is getting to experience something new, something I wasn't sure he would get to do. That is exciting! I am so happy and thankful that he is able to take part in this. He is going to learn and grow so much. We are all going to learn through this - maybe a little about t-ball and a lot about ourselves. Maybe we can teach others about autism along the way.

Trying to balance

Well, it's been almost a month since my last blog. Life is so busy and finding time to write, especially lately, has been basically impossible. Yes, there are those hours between 1 a.m. and 5 a.m. but I prefer to sleep when I can.

The past couple of weeks have been nice because I have gotten to spend a little more time with my big boy, Nathan. Last week, he missed a couple of days of school because of fever, so I got some cuddle time in with him. Those moments are slowly getting fewer and farther between so I enjoy them when I can. This week his school was out for a couple of days because of a teacher conference. We have had some fun times together. Unfortunately, I have been a little under the weather this week but we still managed to have some fun. We went to the Gulf Coast Exploreum yesterday and saw the Megalodon exhibit. Pretty cool. That was one big shark! Up to 60 feet long! We talked about the possibility that Jonah might have spent some time in the belly of that big creature. Fun to wonder anyway. We had a lunch date where he told me all about his friends and school. I loved listening to him tell me in detail who was the best at running, basketball, coloring, and reading in his class. I so enjoyed my time with him. I really try to make an effort to just focus on him when we have the chance, whether it is a fun outing like the exploreum or just us at home sitting at the table reading or coloring together. I need him to know how much he means to me. I treasure this time with him.

So often, I feel guilty because of the time and attention that Luke needs. I feel like it is a sacrifice on his part and maybe in some sense that can be a good thing, but in another sense, I don't know how much a 6 year old can comprehend about sacrifice when I know that he has needs of his own. He probably understands more than I give him credit for and yet, I still feel guilty. He and I have had our conversations about autism. He knows that Luke needs his special school and he needs therapy. But it is hard when, so often, people that approach us ask how Luke is doing but not necessarily how Nathan is doing. I don't know what goes on in his mind during these conversations. Sometimes he can tell me, other times words are hard to find. Last week, we started talking about the upcoming Walk for Autism in April and how we will start organizing our team soon. Last year, Nathan asked me "When will there be a Team Nathan?" That was hard to hear but gave me a look into his thoughts on all that is going on. So much focus is on Luke. So, this year I considered changing the team name and asked for his input. We talked about "Team Broome" since it is a family event and affects us all. He thought about it then told me that he liked "Team Luke". His only request was that he could have his name on the back of the shirt again. I told him I would make it as big as he wanted it to be :-). I can definitely do that! But then, he said " I wish I had autism." This is the first time I have heard him say this. My heart sank. I fought back tears and reitereated how important he is to me and our family. I told him how grateful to God I am for him and that I am glad he doesn't have autism. I tried to tell him that he was fearfully and wonderfully made by a loving God who has given him many gifts and talents. How I want to make him understand but I know this is a process that may take some time and I am so impatient.

It is at these times that I question my balancing act. Have I done enough to let him know what he means to me? Am I doing enough? How do I help him understand? How do I protect him and yet enable him to grow into the little boy God created him to be? It's so hard. Balancing is hard. My tight rope feels like it is narrowing. How I pray for wisdom to walk and balance so that the boys can see God in my life and see how much Roger and I love them both. Luke has special needs but Nathan's needs are no less special, just different. He is precious and such a good big brother to Luke. I think, most of the time, he likes being Luke's teacher in addition to being his big brother. He is so good at it. I love the compassion and understanding that is being cultivated in his heart. My prayer is that I can be what they need me to be. I know that just as the weightiness of parenting grows with each passing day, so does my love for them. I am so glad I don't have to do this balancing act on my own. Not only do I have a loving, supportive husband, most importantly, I have a loving heavenly Father who promises to never leave me or forsake me. So thankful for God and His promises. I depend on them and can rest at night because I know His mercies are new every morning. Looking forward to a new day and new opportunities to show all my boys (Roger included) God's love as I lean on Him who is more than able to help me balance it all.

Happy Birthday to my favorite 4 year old!

Four years ago today, Luke came into our lives in a big way. When I say big, I mean big - all 9 pounds 6 ounces of him! Just 10 days before he was born, I had an ultrasound and at that time, he was estimated to be around 7 1/2 pounds. I remember thinking, "Great! An average size baby!" I was so excited! It sounded great to me considering Nathan was only around 2 1/2 pounds when he made his early arrival. I was so thankful for a full term baby! I wasn't expecting such a big boy though but, we have a tendency to be all or nothing here at the Broome house so I really shouldn't have been too surprised. Nothing average here. He was a beautiful baby with big cheeks, dark hair, and deep brown eyes. I was so nervous! It was like becoming a parent for the first time even though we already had big brother Nathan. We didn't get to bring Nathan home from the hospital until he was 2 1/2 months old so he was already in a routine. But with Luke, we got to bring him home with us when he was 4 days old. Much different. It was a challenge but such a blessing to have a big, happy, healthy baby. Didn't this all happen just yesterday? Time has flown by and keeps picking up speed! I want so much to slow it down so I can take it all in.

When I think about all that we have been through and the challenges we have faced (and overcome!), I can see God's hand in it all. He has blessed our family with Luke, and in some way, with autism too. Please don't get me wrong, I really don't like autism. But, I have learned so much along the way. Not just about autism and tesing and treatment, etc., but about compassion and understanding and finding joy in the seemingly small things in life. I have learned that with autism, nothing really is small: like when Luke puts his hands on my face and says "Ma" - big; or when Luke points to himself and says "Lu" - big; or when Luke makes good eye contact with others - big; or when Luke imitates his big brother - big; or when he puts two or three words together when trying to speak - big; or when Luke pretends like he is talking on the phone and wants me to play too - big; or when Luke laughs appropriately when watching a favorite show - big; or when Luke plays with his friends - big; or that Luke even has friends - really big. The little things are big and I have learned to appreciate them. Through Luke, God has taught me so much and I still have so much to learn, but I am thankful for this little guy.

Luke really is a fabulously fantastic little guy. He is loved more that he will ever know. His family loves him. His church family has been so supportive and caring. They love him too. He goes to a wonderful school with great teachers who love and care for him and his classmates. His best teacher is here at home - his sweet big brother. It is so fun to watch them play together and watch Luke try to imitate everything Nathan does. He is learning so much from Nathan! I sometimes listen to their conversation and can't help but smile. I overheard Nathan encouraging Luke one day while they were coloring at the table: "Oh, Lukey, that is great! You really color great for a 3 year old!" Big smiles :-)

Luke has a million-watt smile and dimples you could just fall in to. He has a way of getting to you (I mean that in a good way!). If I am having a particularly difficult day, he can get right in my face, put his hands on my cheeks, and say "Hi!" in his cute way and I just have to smile. His sweet hugs aren't bad either. And have you heard him laugh? Simply contagious. He truly is a gift. I can't imagine what life would be like without him.

So today, we celebrate him for the precious, unique little boy that he is. We celebrate him for all that he can do, for all the progress that he has made. We celebrate him and the hope we have for the progress to come. We thank God for this gift. I have been told, "Luke is so lucky to have you guys for his parents" but in reality, Roger and I are the ones who are blessed. Maybe Luke needs us but God knows we need him too. He has turned our world upside down and for that, I am thankful. He has changed our lives for the better. Our family is blessed beyond measure!

Happy Birthday Luke!

Merry Christmas !

It's Christmas eve!! There is much excitement around our home just as there is in many homes tonight. Nathan has been asking "How many days to Christmas, Mom?" every day this week. With all the hustle and bustle of the season, it has been so nice to have a "low key" kind of day. Nothing scheduled. Nothing that just had to be done today. Just enjoy my family.

For some reason, I thought I would run to the store to pick up a few groceries. Yes, I know I am crazy. Day before Christmas. Hustle and bustle in full swing. I braved the chaos that is Walmart this morning. Just a quick trip. (Is that even possible?) My list was short and so I proceeded, wanting to get home for my "low key" day. It didn't take long to hear grumbling and complaining in the store. As I am getting some yummy hot chocolate for tomorrow morning, I hear more than one customer complaining that the store was all out of what they needed. I was on the aisle with baking goods. Should it be a surprise that the store just might run out of those kinds of items around certain holidays? Well, they weren't happy. Kind of made me sad for them. Anyway, I made my way through the store, checked out, and made it home. Ahhhh....

I started thinking about Christmas, and without a doubt, the only reason we have to celebrate the season is Jesus. My Savior descended from the glory of heaven to be born of a virgin, live a sinless life, die on the cross for my sins and rise again, all to fulfill God's magnificent plan to save His people. How we have strayed so far from the awe of this miracle only to get the latest toy or more gifts than we know what to do with and stress ourselves in the process. I love Christmas. I love getting together with family. I love gift giving. In a society that focuses on political correctness (holiday tree? really?), the shopping season, and how it will affect the economy, I don't want to lose focus. I want my kids to know that gifts are not a bad thing, it is when they become the priority that is the problem. That can be quite a challenge when so many people ask them, "What's Santa going to bring you?" I want so much to show them Christ all the time, but especially this time of year.

So, what do I do? Rewind a few hours before all of this. I wake up on this Christmas eve and could have been in a glorious mood, but instead, I didn't feel so great and I chose the awful mood, in serious need of an attitude adjustment. Mommy needed some time. I went for a run to clear my head and just pray. (Oh, what a difference prayer makes! It was much needed.) I was in a foul mood before and God gave me some perspective. If anyone had reason to complain it was Mary - 9 months pregnant and riding on a donkey to go register with Joseph for the census only to give birth in a dirty stable. Perspective. I probably sounded like those unhappy customers at Walmart. I have no reason to grumble. I know what I am celebrating and I wasn't exactly focussing on Christ. I was being quite selfish. I needed perspective. God is so good to give us what we need when we need it!

This Christmas, I am so grateful for Jesus and the miracle that He has accomplished in His incarnation. My gifts include a godly, loving husband; a sweet, thoughtful Nathan; a precious, funny Luke, who has made tremendous progress in his communication skills and really in all areas. Nathan is at a wonderful christian school and has a fantastic teacher. Luke is at a great school that is making a difference in his life and ours in dealing with autism. I am so blessed that I could not possibly list all my gifts. They are too numerous. They are priceless.

Tomorrow morning, the boys will receive presents, not because they have been good or bad or haven't pouted or cried (for goodness sake), but because we have been blessed and we love them. They will be excited to see what is under the tree. I will be excited to see them open their gifts. People celebrate this holiday in many different ways, but I want them to know that the greatest gift was born 2000 years ago and that is what we celebrate. I pray that they don't become consumed with getting things but become consumed with Christ. I hope that Christ is what they see in our lives and remember when they think about Christmas.

I will close with a sweet poem that Nathan learned at school. I was reminded of it today when a friend posted it on Facebook (thanks April S.)

What can I give Him, poor as I am?
If I were a shepherd, I would give Him a lamb.
If I were a wise man, I would do my part-
Yet what can I give Him? Give Him my heart.

Christina Rosetti

God has truly given us the greatest Gift! May you all have a blessed Christmas as we celebrate the birth of our Savior, Jesus Christ!

In Everything Give Thanks

"In everything give thanks..." First Thessalonians 5:18. That verse is on the wall in my dining area. This is the time of year that we set aside for giving thanks. It is not so hard to do when you give it a little thought and things are going well. I have so much to be thankful for in my life...a gracious Heavenly Father, salvation in Christ, a loving husband, two precious boys, freedom, a home, food, clothing...the list could go on and on. I am blessed beyond measure.

Last week, both Nathan and Luke were in Thanksgiving programs at their schools. Nathan's program was so sweet. I couldn't have been more proud of him. He was so nervous because he had to tell about something he is thankful for and he had to do so in front of a room full of people. Once it came his turn to speak, he did great! Not even a hint of nervousness in his voice. And what he said brought a big smile to my face. He said, " Good morning. My name is Nathan and I am thankful for my brother playing with me." There was a time when Luke didn't play with Nathan, or anyone else for that matter. He was content to play by himself. He didn't know how to interact and play with his peers. He has made so much progress and now Nathan has a "little buddy" to play with. He came up with what he was going to say all by himself. He could have said his favorite friend, or food, or toy. Any of these would have been fine. But, he recognizes Luke's progress and is thankful for his brother. I am thankful too! He is a compassionate big brother!

Luke's program was special too. The three classes joined together to sing a few songs in front of many smiling faces. As I have said in a past post, I think these programs are as much for the parents as they are for the kids. It is so nice to see Luke participate in something that other kids do. The kids followed their teacher's direction, stood in front of a crowd, sang, and did movements to the songs. This is not always easy with typical kids, much less kids with special needs. Although Luke couldn't sing all the words, he could do some of the movements and he didn't run to me when he saw me but stayed with his class until it was time to sit with me. That is pretty big. It is encouraging to see his progress, up on stage, just being a kid with his friends. He "fit in." It was nice.

It is easy to be thankful when it's all good and things are going smoothly. But, First Thessalonians 5:18 says "In everything give thanks..." EVERYTHING. Not just when it's all good. That is not always easy. As I look back over the year, I can't say that I have always been thankful. I have whined. I have complained. I have thrown pity parties. I have wished everything was easier. I wanted autism to go away. I wanted to wake up from a dream and everything be better. I wanted to know the answers to the hard questions. I have been selfish. I have gone my own way at times and made many mistakes. I have much too often been anything but thankful. But this year, more than ever, I have so much to be thankful for. Even autism. Yea, sounds weird. (See previous post on "It's a Love-Don't Love kinda thing" (5-18-11) for a better explanation.) God has opened many doors, even as it relates to increasing autism awareness. He has stunned me with His love, forgiveness, and mercy. His grace has truly amazed me. I so often take for granted the blessings that He has given me. Even in difficult times, He has gone before me and used these challenges in a mighty way. It's so hard to be thankful in the midst of adversity. I can tell you, it is impossible without the hope that is found in Christ. I am so very thankful for the hope I have in Him. I know that nothing comes into my life or the lives of my family members that has not first been filtered through my Heavenly Father's loving hands. I know He has a purpose for it all. (Romans 8:28). I can be thankful for that. I am glad I don't know what the future holds, but I am glad that I know Who holds the future. (Jeremiah 29:11). I can be thankful for that too. I want thanksgiving to be a characteristic of my life, not just a holiday I celebrate once a year.

There is an old song that is called "Thank you Lord for your blessings on me" that I remember from childhood. I haven't heard it in a long time. Some of the words : "There's a roof up above me. I've a good place to sleep. There's food on my table and shoes on my feet. You gave me your love Lord and a fine family. Thank you Lord, for your blessings on me."

I have been abundantly blessed. Thank you Lord for your blessings on me.

God's grace and Nathan Broome

Today, I want to tell you a little more about my "typical" child, Nathan. Six years ago, he came into the world in a "not-so-typical" way and every time I think of it, I am reminded of what a miracle he is and how good God is everyday. He really is in the details.

On October 31, 2005, a Monday, I went to work like I did every other Monday. At the time, I worked at a local hospital as an occupational therapist. I was 26 weeks 4 days into my pregnancy. I didn't feel great that morning, but none of my mornings felt that great. (You see, I wasn't one of those cute pregnant women with the basketball in front. No, I carried it all over. I waddled. I was tired all of the time. Every joint hurt. Just thought that was how pregnant women felt.) My intentions that day were to finish my caseload at the hospital, then see a couple of home health patients in the afternoon. That morning, I was moving around slower than usual. I was having some mild low back discomfort, but nothing big, or so I thought. By lunch time, I was so tired and just wanted to find a mat in the rehab gym to lie down on for a little while. I remember having to call my home health patients and reschedule them for later in the afternoon because I was not finished at the hospital. A co-worker even offered to stay for me so I could go home and rest. I told her I would be fine. As I was trying to rest, my fellow therapists were growing concerned about me. I called the doctor around 12:30 to get an appointment but they couldn't see me until 2:00 pm. I tried to rest but just felt awful so my boss ended up taking me via wheelchair to my doctor's office so I could maybe get in earlier than planned. The office was in a building connected to the hospital so it only took a few minutes to get there, but by the time we arrived, I was starting to have serious pain. It was 1:30 p.m. The nurses heard me crying in the waiting area and got me back to a room. They had a hard time finding a doctor because it was their lunch hour and they were either rounding or in surgery. Finally, they found a doctor. He checked me and I remember him saying something about the baby's head. He told me I was going to have a baby very soon. What?

In a storyline that could have been an "ER" episode, they couldn't find a stretcher so they picked me up, put me in a wheelchair, told me not to push (uh...impossible) and ran with me down the hall toward the hospital with the doctor running in front of us. He was on his cell phone talking to the 7th floor, telling them to get a surgery room ready and call a neonatologist. My boss was still with me, running along side while on my cell phone calling my husband, who worked 40 minutes away in Mississippi, to tell him I was in labor and come to the hospital quickly. When I get to the room, there were already several people there waiting on me. They lifted me onto a table and told me not to push. Yea, right. Tried but that didn't work. One nurse was coaching me on how to breathe while putting papers in front of me to sign for admittance to the hospital. I was in shock. Could he survive? Would I survive? How did this happen? Will I see Roger again? Every time the door opened, I looked to see if it was Roger all while the nurse was trying to get me to focus...breathe...push...It only took 3 or 4 pushes and my little boy was born. He cried and it was the sweetest sound I had ever heard. He weighed 2 pounds 6 ounces and was 14 1/4 inches long. It was 2:30 in the afternoon. They immediately started working on him while awaiting the ambulance and team from the local children's hospital who would take him to the NICU.

The nurse took me in to a regular room and my husband soon arrived. We were both a little in disbelief. This was our first child and we certainly weren't expecting this. (We were scheduled for our child birth class a couple of weeks from then. This wasn't the right order!) The transport team wheeled our little guy into the room so we could see him - 2-3 minutes at most. Ten little fingers and ten tiny toes. He even had a little hair on his head. I could already see that he had a cowlick! He was amazing. So perfect. We tried to take it all in for the short time he was there. We had never seen someone so small. And he was ours. Hard to comprehend at the time. Then they had to take him away. The neonatologist arrived to tell us what to expect during our NICU stay. We had no idea what a roller coaster ride we were in for. Our sweet baby was soon on his way to a new place and we were still there trying to wrap our minds around it all.

We named him Nathan Grant. Nathan means "gift from God." He is exactly that. He spent the next 2 1/2 months in the NICU. It was an incredibly difficult time. He battled a serious bowel infection while there called necrotizing enterocolotis which we thought might take his life. He was so sick. It was so hard to watch him go through this. Surgeons rounded on him daily to assess whether or not to remove part of his intestines. Difficult really isn't adequate to describe what we went through.

But God....I love those words. But God spared his life. God worked in amazing ways through our circumstances. He healed our little boy and surgery was not necessary. Nathan had the most minor of intracranial hemorrhages (hemorrhaging is common in preemies) - which resolved, and even his retinopathy was the mildest it could possibly be. God's hand was on every detail of his life. We were blessed to bring Nathan home on January 13, 2006, 2 1/2 weeks before his original due date. He weighed 5 pounds 14 ounces when we he was discharged from the hospital.

He is a miracle in our lives. God was so gracious in sending us this little boy. Nathan is a tremendous blessing. His only delays are in speech but he has received speech therapy since he was 2 1/2 years old and he has almost overcome these deficits! All praise to God! He is an active, imaginative, and creative little boy. I couldn't imagine life without him.

God was so evident in the events of October 31, 2005 and the many days and weeks that followed while in the hospital. He continues to amaze me. The fact that I worked in the hospital that was connected to my doctor's office building...The fact that I could have gone home at lunch instead of staying at the hospital, but I didn't...The fact that I was supposed to be at a patient's home for his therapy at the time I went into labor, but I wasn't...quite possibly saved our lives. The outcome could have been so different. God worked in and through that experience. My faith was strengthened as I watched it all unfold. His grace, power, and mercy were on full display. And I am so thankful. My prayer is that my precious gift from God will grow into a young man who loves the Lord, fears the Lord, and serves Him faithfully. I pray that He will continue to work in and through Nathan. May God receive the glory for it all!

Happy Birthday my sweet Nathan!