My Very Favorite Job

Seven and a half years ago, I became a mother.  I had no idea how it would change me.  Of course, I knew that I would have a little one to care for and my responsibilities would increase ten-fold.  I knew that there would be nights with little to no sleep.  I knew that spit-up would become a new part of my wardrobe. I knew that toys would be everywhere. I even knew that my voice would somehow change and baby-talk would come out from time to time, irritating those around me.  I knew that I would fall in love all over again too.  But I had no idea how much it would truly affect me.  I didn't know the special love that I would have for my boys which even now makes my heart feel as though it could burst.  I didn't know how painful it would be to hear "Your son has autism."  I am glad I didn't know exactly what awaited me when this journey began.  To describe it in a word is impossible.  I would just say it has been everything....every emotion intensified.  Joy.  Sadness.  Success.  Struggle.  Pain.  Peace.  Confusion.  Happiness. Worry.  Rest.  Love, lots of love.  And more....

Motherhood has been the most wonderful, hardest, best, most humbling job ever.  But, it is also my very favorite.  God blessed me with two beautiful boys that fill my life with love. Before I became a mom,  I had all these ideas of how it would be.  My child would be so good and do things just right and would just be, well, perfect.  Why would I even think that? Of course, because his mom (me) would be amazing!!  Yes, I was naive (stupid!).  Didn't even to take into account that I would have a precious little sinner as my child and that I am a seasoned sinner myself.  I didn't do things perfectly, why would I even think that my children would do any different?  I had NO idea how hard it would be to be a mother.  The  ideas I had were almost funny.  I didn't know that I didn't know.  But, I learned quickly and I continue to learn. I was focused on having a child that behaved.  I wasn't even considering that having a child that was outwardly "good" was not my ultimate goal.  You can teach a child to perform a behavior, and that is okay.  But, I want a child that behaves because of a heart desire to serve the Lord.  That is different.  And that is something that is a challenge to teach as well.  It is something that has to be lived out daily.  It has to be demonstrated and taught.  That is where I come in --seasoned sinner saved by the grace of God.  An imperfect mother pointing her boys to a perfect God.  Living the gospel out daily.  Needing God's grace as much as needing to show her boys their need of it.  I am not out for their behavior, I am out for their heart.  And I can only do that with the strength that God provides and His grace and mercy to draw them to Him. I can love them, pray for them and teach them, but I cannot save them.  That is something only God can do.  

my sweet Luke

So, what do I know?  That being a mother, a parent, is day by day, on the job training.  It is unpredictable and indescribable.  It is more that I anticipated.  It has made me stronger and driven me to my knees.  Maybe I am stronger because it has driven me to my knees in prayer.  I didn't anticipate the struggles that my children would face.  Autism and learning issues are not life threatening problems, however,  they have hit me hard.  I didn't anticipate the struggles but they are a part of life.  Everyone has them, they just look different in each family.  For me: I was reminded that I am not in control (Psalm 139).  I learned that I struggle with worry even though I am to be "anxious for nothing", and His peace will guard my heart and mind (Philippians 4:6-7). I learned that when I trust Him, pray for His wisdom and not "lean on my own understanding",  He will direct my path (Proverbs 3:5-6). I learned that I am not alone and I never will be (Deuteronomy 31:8; Joshua 1:9).  God has shown me such grace and mercy and I want to show that to my boys.  I wish I could say that I have done that perfectly...that I have always spoke with a gentle spirit or always disciplined in love and not frustration.  I can't say I have done that.  Instead, I have had many opportunities to admit when I have been wrong and ask for forgiveness from my children.  My prayer is that I will show them God's love, which includes the mercy and forgiveness that God has lavished on me.  My hope and prayer is that I will point them to the Lord in my words and through my life so that they will see my heavenly Father, the perfect parent who does all things well...who never disappoints...who loves beyond what we can even imagine.

my big boy Nathan

I have made more mistakes as a mother than I will ever be able to count.  I know that I will make many more, even though I will try otherwise.  Not to scare off any prospective parents out there....the benefits of being a mom are awesome! I, along with my husband,  have somehow acquired semi-super hero status - and I say "semi" because I cannot fly or leap tall buildings in a single bound.  I can kiss bo-bo's and make even the worst cut or scrape feel better.  I can give great hugs (and the hugs I get in return are fantastically sweet!). I can make them both belly laugh and I am getting pretty good at basketball and baseball.  I love to hear Nathan ask for another hug at bedtime or Luke ask "Will you read me night-night story please?"  Even when I am extra tired, I never regret granting those requests :)  It is so fulfilling to see them learn something new or do well on anything. I love to be their cheerleader and encourage them along the way.  It seems as though the size of my heart has grown exponentially as my love for them does the same.  I think it gives us an idea of the love that God has for us.  He gave His Son for us. What an amazing amount of love! Being a mother has given me just a glimpse into a love like no other.

angry birds at rest

My experience at motherhood has been shaped by my own mother.  She has been such a blessing to me.  She sacrificed for me more than I realized.  She was always there...every late night of studying, every teacher conference, music recital, cheerleader tryout, sporting event....you name it.  She has been the best role model for me.  She has loved me when I have been unlovable.  She has taught me and demonstrated incredible grace throughout my life.  She has always pointed me to the Lord.  My mother has been my example of what a godly wife and mother should be.  She has loved my dad so sweetly in the things she does for him everyday and she loves the Lord.  She simply has enjoyed being a wife and a mom.  I have never heard her complain. She has always been an encouragement to me.  She used to remind me of Philippians 4:13 every morning on the way to school : "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength."  If I was nervous about a test or presentation, that verse would always come to mind.  Now, I find myself sharing this same verse with Nathan when we ride to school.  I am so blessed to have a mom like this.  She is precious to me.  I am so thankful for her and I pray that I can be that kind of example to Roger and the boys that she has been to me. God is good and I am blessed!

 my mom and dad

me and my sweet Roger

So, Happy Mother's Day! I am going to go hug my boys now :)

So Many Reasons to Smile

This past weekend was one to remember for our family.  We went to the happiest place on earth.  No, I am not talking about Disneyland.  I am talking about Camp Smile.  If you aren't familiar with Camp Smile, it is a residential summer camp for individuals with disabilities and their siblings.  It is located in Mobile, Alabama and is hosted by United Cerebral Palsy of Mobile.  In a word, it is simply INCREDIBLE.  (For more information, go to www.campsmilemobile.org.)  This past weekend was their family weekend camp.  It was better than I even anticipated!  A teacher at Luke's school told me about the camp and now that Luke is 5, he is old enough to attend.  I knew that Luke would want to go but I wasn't sure how my Nathan would feel about it.  The summer camp is 4 nights away from home.  (Quite honestly, that will be harder for me than it will be for them!).  When I mentioned it, they both seemed excited initially, but as I feared, Nathan started to change his mind and didn't know about being away from home.  When we found out about the family weekend, we decided to try it and see what the boys thought about camp.  It was so good, they cannot wait to go back! Thank you Ms. Melanie for telling us about this place!

I really wish everyone could experience Camp Smile.  It is truly a special place with amazing campers and selfless (and very well trained) volunteers, many who come back year after year, to work with these precious kids.  The first night we were there, I had to fight back tears most of the evening.  I know that is not uncommon for me, emotional gal that I am.  But this place really moved me.  To look around and see the campers, all different but still so much alike.  They simply were happy to be there.  The smiles on their faces showed their excitement to be at camp.  No one "stood out".  Being different was the norm there, and it was a beautiful norm.  Able-bodied volunteers where serving children who could not always help themselves.  It was a place where a kid could just be a kid, not a kid with a disability.  No judgmental stares.  No reasons to be embarrassed.  No pressure to fit in.  No societal or physical limitations.  And at mealtime, different campers would get the opportunity to ask the blessing. Some could say a few words, others only sounds.  But everyone knew the prayer and we followed along: "God our Father.....once again....we ask you for these blessings.....Amen."  It was a little slice of heaven.

The smiles on the campers faces were endless.  But, the smiles did not stop there.  For parents, this camp is a place of acceptance and rest.  To see your child enjoy activities that typical kids participate in regularly brings such joy.  The special accommodations at camp allow kids with varying degrees of disability to participate in activities such as horseback riding, fishing, archery, music and crafts, to name just a few.  The opportunity to meet other families who can identify with similar struggles is very encouraging and comforting.  Roger and I enjoyed getting to know other parents there and we made new friends this weekend.  We, too, are all different but there is a bond that makes us alike, our heart for our children and the challenges they face.  It was an awesome weekend!

Nathan and Luke made many memories.  They didn't want to leave.  The first thing out of Nathan's mouth Sunday morning was "I don't want to leave, Mom.  I like this place."  I am so glad he did.  They both had a blast.  They met new people too.  It was so good for them both.  They rode horses, fished, played drums, played with remote control boats, participated in arts and crafts and so much more.  They just enjoyed being at camp.  Nathan really took it all in.  He is an observer and he had a million questions.  Our camp counselor would have never known that Nathan is introverted. He talked and talked!  He felt so comfortable there. Initially, he was hesitant when it was time to go ride horses.  He told me he really didn't like horses and did not want to ride.  When we got there, Luke didn't hesitate.  He was eager to ride.  Nathan decided he would try it too.  He loved it!  Both boys volunteered to ride again when given the opportunity. They were so relaxed! Luke is still talking about getting to ride on "So-kee) (Smokey). And as for Nathan, the one I was worried the most about, he seemed to be more independent at camp and a little more outgoing than usual.  It was so great to see that!   The memories we made this weekend were priceless!

Thank you Ms. Melanie for telling us about camp! Thank you Ms. Cecy for running this awesome place! And thank you Camp Smile for being there and caring for these amazing kids! We can't wait for summer camp and for the next family weekend!

So Very Thankful

As I sit here thinking about this week and how blessed I am, I can't help but say "thank you God."  It has been a great week in our home.  My parents were in town the first part of the week and we had a wonderful time with them.  The boys always love to visit with Nana and Papa.  We had an early Thanksgiving dinner with them and just enjoyed our time together.  We spent Thanksgiving day with my inlaws, eating delicious food and visiting with family.  We have been surrounded by love, and though we are loved by them all the time, it's nice to get together to celebrate family.  We all had a great time.  The boys were invited to spend the night with their Gran and Grandaddy so I could go shopping on Black Friday.  They were thrilled and I was too!

First, I will say that I find it ironic that Black Friday comes just after Thanksgiving.  The day we give thanks for what we have in our lives followed by a day that is all to often highlighted by greed and materialism.  Capitalism at it's best (?) bringing out humanity at its worst? Seems a bit like it. Kind of like how Fat Tuesday and Ash Wednesday are together. Just in reverse order.  It is kind of ironic. I will admit I was out and about.  I love a good deal and could get a few items marked off my list for Christmas.  I am on a budget and want to stretch my money if possible.  But....I will not fight over a vacuum, or a toaster oven, or even a big screen television.  Believe it or not, I went to Walmart last night at 8p.m. for boys pajamas and slippers.  Yes.  That is all.  Luke saw some he liked in the sale paper with Spiderman on them.  And he loved the slippers that matched.  At 7:30 that evening, I was sitting on the sofa telling Roger I really didn't want to go to Walmart.  Then I kept thinking of his sweet face when he opened those cool pj's and slippers on Christmas.  Ugh! Then I decided to go.  Roger kindly encouraged me and said "That is a mother's love for her children" as he dozed off on the couch.   Double ugh! So I went out.  Already tired and terribly naive.  I would just go and pick them up and be back home in no time.  I was quickly reminded of why I don't shop Walmart's Black Friday deals.  Really....Just go get pj's and slippers and get home.  I knew people hovered over the electronics and even over the small appliances, but Spiderman pj's? When the clock hit 8:00, it was every man for himself ( or woman or insane individual).  I felt a little like an observer looking in on a mob scene.  The paper covering the pallet of pajamas was ripped, arms began to fly (and grab and throw), then pj's were everywhere.  It was madness.  Almost like watching something in slow motion. Somewhere, I am sure I heard "It's the most wonderful time of the year" playing.  Surprisingly, as I came out of my delusional state, I found the Super Mario and Spiderman pj's I needed.  But where were the $3 slippers that matched?  I figured I might as well try to find them.  I asked every worker in a yellow vest that I saw.  No one knew where they were.  Finally, I saw some slippers in a ladies cart and I asked her.  She pointed me in the general direction, somewhere close to the frozen food section.  Seriously? By the time I got through the crowd, no slippers were to be found.  Makes sense, right? Next time I will know, slippers = frozen food section.  Of course.  Why would they even be near the matching pajamas?  Oh well.  I tried.  I was ready to go home. While standing in line, I overheard someone talking about the fist fight that broke out  between two women over a set of sheets.  Again, seriously? Weren't we all giving thanks a little earlier that same day and now it is a slug-fest over sheets?

I don't remember the whole Black Friday thing being like this when I was growing up.  I don't remember stores being open for these kind of sales on Thanksgiving either.  I loved going out with my family the day after thanksgiving.  There was a store in Birmingham called Pizitz and they always had the best Christmas display.  My parents would take my brother and I there to see the pretty Christmas decorations then we would go eat as a family.  If we saw something on sale that we could use, we got it.  We did not fight over it though. There were crowds and it was busy but it wasn't like it is now. We just enjoyed being together.  I loved it.  We made memories - good ones.  Not ones like "remember the time mom took down that little old lady over a blender? What a deal!"  Yes. I was in the crazy crowd, even again this morning (not at Walmart though!) and I did get a few things accomplished and saved some money.  But I missed some things on my list too and that was ok.  It is just stuff.

What I am thankful for in my life cannot be bought.  Most of all, I am thankful for Christ who, despite my sinful heart, died on the cross for me, paid a debt I could never pay and whose blood covers my sin.  He saved me.  God blessed me with a family that I don't deserve.  They love me like crazy and I love them to the moon and back. Roger has shown me love that overwhelms me and God has given us two beautiful boys that fill our lives with joy.  God has taught us so much through our children.  They are incredibly unique and they challenge us.  I have said often that being a mom is the most rewarding and most difficult job I have ever had.  With the very different challenges that we face with Nathan and Luke come the most amazing victories when they conquer even the smallest of obstacles.  We rejoice in it all because God is using all of these circumstances to grow them into the young men He wants them to be.  As I write this tonight, there are so many on my mind and in my heart that I am so grateful for - I cannot list them all. So I will just say that I am thankful this day for my life and so much more.

Tonight, I was talking to Nate at his bedside.  "You know I love you a lot."  Nate: "You mean, like the last number?" ( We have often wondered together what the biggest - last- number is.)  Me: "Yea. Like a gazillion."  Nate: "How about like a manillion ba-pa-dillion?"  Me: "Yea.  That too!"  I love him a manillion ba-pa-dillion plus one.

And as for Luke, I thank God for him, for his progress, for everything he is.  He speaks so much now and so much more clearly than this time last year. I don't know what is ahead for him but God does and I have so much hope.  I have learned so much about life, about myself and about love through him and autism. Just because he has autism doesn't mean it has him.  He sang "Jesus Loves Me" for our elderly neighbors this week - to my surprise.  I had to catch it on video.  Many who read this will have already seen it but I am posting it here just because I love it so much.  You can't make out all of the words but you know what he is singing and God hears each word. It is precious to me.

I am blessed beyond measure.  Thank you God.

A Really Great Week

When I first started this blog, it was with the idea of talking about our ups and downs with autism, and I have done that...some.  It seems more and more often I find myself talking about Nathan and life and how God is working in it all.  And,  I know I brag  a lot on my kids here and it may make you a little nauseous but, I am a mom.  It's what I do.  He is neat kiddo and loved more than the stars.  Luke and autism still gets plenty of attention and they still baffle us and amaze us and humble us.  But I have another post for Nathan.  He recently celebrated his 7th birthday on October 31 and the events on the days that surrounded his party couldn't have come at a better time.

Friday, October 26:  "Mom, I got the "team player" award from Ms. Neicy in PE today."  Those were the first words that came out of his mouth when he got int he car when I picked him up from school.  I don't know the events that led him to get that award that day or over the course of the week, but we have been talking about character and doing the right things, even if no one is looking.  Turns out he has been listening and was doing some good things and someone was looking.  He was so proud.

Saturday, October 27:  His 7th birthday party.  The day was all about him.  He had a Lego party and so many of his friends were able to be there to celebrate with him.  He had such a good time playing that he barely took a bite of his birthday cake.  He typically doesn't like a lot of attention, but for a little while, he didn't mind and just had fun.

Tuesday, October 30:  Awards at Chapel this morning.  He didn't know that he would be getting anything except a green rubber bracelet that would be given to all the kids who were participating in fundraising efforts toward the new building and "Feed the Need" event.  The first and second graders were together in the church for this particular chapel and parents were invited to attend so of course, I was there.  The green bracelets were given out and he thought that was pretty cool.  It would have been enough but there was more... The very first thing Mr. Currie, the principal, did was call Nathan up to the front and all the kids sang happy birthday to him. It was great! I just prayed that he wouldn't pass out. Mr. Currie said the most powerful and precious prayer over him.  I wish I would have videoed it just so I could hear it again.  He thanked God for Nathan's quiet spirit and asked God to work in his life.  It was so special.  Then, just was soon as he was seated, he was called back up, along with another classmate, to receive a Phonics award for having a 100 average.  Then, a little later, he was called back up with a few others, to be recognized for perfect attendance for the first quarter.  I was so proud of him.  It was a good morning.

Wednesday, October 31:  His actual birthday.  Some celebrate Halloween.  We have never been too much in to that.  Some recognize Reformation Day.  We absolutely love that.  But, our reason to celebrate is the miracle that came into our lives that day.  Nathan was such a gift then and still is...kind of like the gift that keeps on giving.  He enjoyed his day very much.  He took little goodie bags to school for his friends and I brought cupcakes for him to share with them at snack time to celebrate.  All his friends told him "Happy Birthday."  Then, that evening, we went to AWANA at church.  It happened to be the night that they awarded clubber of the month...he won!  He was surprised.  It was a pretty special day.

Thursday, November 1:  He had his very first basketball practice and he was really excited about it.   He loves basketball.  Nothing big but still another great thing in his week.

Saturday, November 3:  The Wells Fargo Senior Bowl Charity Run in downtown Mobile was that morning.  The race is a big one. Thousands of people come out to do the 10K, 5K, or fun run.  My husband did the 10 K, I did the 5 K and we all did the fun run.  He has been in a few other fun runs this year, but this was, by far, the biggest.  It was a more challenging run because of all the people that you had to navigate through but he did it, ran the entire mile and got his ribbon.  He was really proud of himself.  I was proud too!

(He really is happy...I promise!)

So, the events of this week were all kind of small by themselves, but when combined, they make for a pretty great week to a 7 year old.  It makes this momma happy too when I see each "small" thing give him a little boost of confidence that my quiet, introverted little guy needs.  He is such a blessing and it makes my heart so happy to see him do well and be recognized for it.  We are trying to teach him about doing well without expecting anything in return, but it is sure nice to see him get a few "pats on the back" and some "atta boys" from others besides my husband and myself.  It has been an exhausting, great week for us all.  Though, we are tired, we are so thankful to God for the excitement and the chance to celebrate it all with him.

Courage, Where are you?

This morning at breakfast, Nathan was especially tired.  He had his first running club meeting last night and he walked/ ran a total of 2 miles!  He did great but was pretty tired last night.  It took no time for him to fall asleep. I knew this morning might be tough.  He was slow to wake up but became very talkative and I could tell he had a lot on his mind.  During breakfast, he told me about his calendar at school that he should have finished Monday but he got behind, erased a lot, and didn't finish his work.  I encouraged him to talk to his teacher about it.  She is a very understanding woman and so kind.  Nathan really likes her and enjoys being in her class.  He told me, "Mom, I just don't have any courage this morning."  I knew he was tired but what he said stuck with me.  I continued to encourage him to talk to his teacher....She could help him....It would be okay.  It is hard to tell an introverted 6 year old that it will be okay and him get it. First grade can be kinda big and scary.  (Guess, it is sometimes hard to tell a "30 something" mom that it is going to be okay and her get it too.)

We talked about one of our favorite verses, Joshua 1:9 which states:  "Have I not commanded you?  Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor dismayed,  for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."  That became a key verse for us last year in kindergarten and still is this year.  On the way to school one morning, I had asked Nathan what he wanted to pray about for that day.  He told me that he wanted to pray that he would have courage. He was just 5 years old when he told me that.  It amazed me and broke my heart at the same time.  He already knew that this was something that was difficult for him and he could actually put it into words and tell me.  Since that time, we have repeated that verse more times than I can count.  I assured him that God is with him at school and that He will give him courage.

If you know us or have read my blog at all, you may already know that Nate is not the most outgoing kid and social situations can be hard for him.  I give him an A+ for effort though.  He played baseball this past spring and wants to play basketball this fall.  He is in the running club and is off to a great start.  He is trying by putting himself out there.  I am so proud of him for that.  My shy kid has always been very much the observer and he takes it all in.  When he gets home, he lets it all out.  I am always amazed to hear what comes out of his mouth.  He has such a sharp mind and a big heart.  He is an amazing little guy.  He has shown me courage in so many ways.  I just need to remind him of that more often.

I have been thinking about what he said, "I just don't have any courage this morning."  How many times have I felt that way but just didn't say it out loud?  There are things I have to do that I don't want to do and things I have to face that I don't want to face.  There have been plenty of situations that have taken me out of my comfort zone and have caused me to be nervous.  There will be plenty more ahead.  I need courage too.  How quickly I forget God's promises!  I need to be meditating on  Joshua 1:9 for myself as well.

I know we can have courage because God is with us wherever we go.  I firmly believe His promise.  Sometimes, I take that courage with me when I leave the house.  Other times, I find that courage is there waiting on me when I get where I am supposed to be.  I just hope that I can teach that to Nathan.  Praying that God will cultivate courage in his precious heart.  My sweet boy has so much to offer! I hope others will be able to see that as well.

I love this kiddo!

Two Years with Autism

August 23, 2012.  Two years already?   It has been two years since Luke was diagnosed with autism.  In so many ways it has been a blur.  I think that is why I have attempted this blogging thing.  So that when things happen, maybe I will have time to write them down.  There is always so much going on in my head, it is often hard to sort it all out.  Trying to even think about all that has happened this past year is a little overwhelming.  Maybe a lot overwhelming.  I took a look at the post I wrote last year about our first year with autism.  Here is the link if you would like to take a look:

http://donnabroome.blogspot.com/2011/08/our-first-year-with-autism.html

When I read it and then take a look at where he is now, really where we all are now, I am amazed.  I am hopeful.  I am thankful.  I will try to give a brief - haha- run down of our last year.

First,  Luke is talking!!  Praise God!  Now, not all of his words are intelligible, but so many are.  More than I can count!  He is saying two and three syllable words and talking in sentences.  When I picked him up from school yesterday, he told me "I ate all my strah-berries and my bell peffers."  I can't help but smile when I think about it.  I am in awe of his progress and I thank God that his words are coming out.  He is starting to express his own thoughts too.  What I mean by that is, he is no longer parroting my words back to me.  He told me Sunday in church, "I like dress" as he pointed to my dress.   He can say "I love you."  Most of the time I am the one saying it first but I have heard him tell me spontaneously when I least expect it.  It is always a welcome surprise!  We are working with him on phrasing questions as that is something he cannot do just yet.  He can say "I want ____" and we are encouraging him to ask instead: "May I have ___?"   Last year, it was a few word approximations.  Now this.  His communication skills have just skyrocketed which has helped with behavioral issues because he can better express himself.  Of course, he is still a 4 year old so there are still tantrums but I will take them over a meltdown any day.  I am so thankful for progress.

If you have read any of my blogs this past year that included Luke, you know that he is my social butterfly.  He has many friends that he interacts with at school and church.  Kids on the spectrum and typical kids.  He is engaged in what is happening around him.  He participates in class with the other kids.  He initiates play with others.  He makes eye contact and smiles a lot.  He says "hi" and "bye" and "thank you."  He raises his hand.  He answers questions.  He is part of the group.  Great thing is, he doesn't know that he is any different than anyone else.  His typical friends treat him as though he is not any different either.  I love that.

His favorite person to play with is his big brother.  He is great at imitating Nathan, sometimes to Nathan's dismay.  But,  he follows Nathan's lead.  It is cute to watch them work together on something, like putting on a concert for us.  They sing together (mostly) and play their instruments (sort of) and have a good time (most of the time).  Of course, they also fight like brothers do. But, wow, they love each other so much.  Nathan knows it and I believe Luke does too.  Nathan is Luke's best teacher.  I have observed Luke watching Nathan closely and try to copy him.  He is always learning and, whether Nathan likes it or not, he is always teaching Luke.

Since autism affects the entire family, I have to include how we have grown over this past year.  It has been quite a ride.  Sometimes it is still hard to wrap our minds around it all.  Nathan is pretty incredible.  This has been a big year for him.  I have been concerned about how having a special needs brother is affecting him.  He has really learned so much.  Things that can't be taught in a classroom.  I have seen him mature and grow in his compassion for others.  He doesn't always know how to act on it, but he is always wanting to help others.  He is a sweet boy with a big heart.  As for the rest of us, we have definitely grown too, not just in knowledge about autism and treatment and all that stuff,  but even more in our faith.  We know that God is in control of this and He works all things for our good and His glory (Romans 8:28).  It becomes more real to us as we face each challenge and see Him guide us through them.  We still haven't made it to the other side of this challenge but He is leading us in the midst of it.  I believe all of us have grown in compassion for others.  We are a part of an amazing autism community and a larger special needs community.  Our hearts ache for our friends.  We know that they are facing their own trials that can, at times, seem too big to handle.  We love these people.  They are a family to us.  We celebrate our children's triumphs together and we share our disappointments.  Though our circumstances are not the same, we understand each other in a way that we, as a family, would never have known prior to autism.

There is much more that I could say but those are the big points.  What a  year! His accomplishments have been just astounding to us. Thank God for progress! So once again, this year will not be celebrated with a birthday cake for this milestone (we are trying to eat better around here!).  We will just celebrate with thankfulness.  We have so much hope for him and his future.  Our family is blessed beyond measure. We have been surrounded by family and friends who have loved on Luke and our family.  They have lifted us up to the throne of grace and we have found mercy and help in our times of need just as God's Word has promised.  We are thankful that Luke is a part of a great school and has awesome teachers who love him and are diligent in their teaching of Luke and these phenomenal kids.  (If it sounds like we have got this whole thing figured out, please know that we don't.  It is a day by day thing.  Some days are better than others, just like for everyone else.  We trust God.  He has never failed us.  We know that we are not alone in this.  We are thankful for your prayers.  We need wisdom, direction, patience, strength, and understanding.  Luke's doctors and teachers need it too.  We are excited to see what our next year with autism holds.  Luke has autism but it is not who he is.  Autism may not be going down without a fight, but as long as we are here, we will the good fight by God's grace and we will trust Him with the outcome.  He is doing amazing things!

Luke and his "Luke Bear" (yes, that is what he named him) that he made on vacation

Wow, two years!

You have worked so hard! Look how far you have come!

You are amazing and loved more than you will ever know!

Thankful for the crumbs

We just returned from a wonderful, restful vacation in Destin, Florida a couple of days ago.  It was so nice to get a way and I am thankful for the opportunity to relax.  My parents went with us and we really enjoyed our time together. So, you would think that after such a great week, I would be in a fantastic mood, thankful for everything.  Unfortunately, since the morning we packed up to come home, I have found myself grumbling and complaining.  I didn't take my blood pressure, but I am sure it steadily went up as we neared home.  I rushed around getting the laundry done and tried to "tidy up" a bit.  You know how it is when you get back from vacation - it looked like our suitcases had exploded.  Everything was everywhere.  For some reason, I felt the need to try to make my place look like something out of Better Homes and Gardens.  My house has never been spotless and I am not sure why I wanted to try to make it look that way.  I think maybe that I just felt the pressures of reality sinking back in and I needed to be productive.  School starts back in a few days and I needed to get things done.  All of the rushing around didn't make me feel any better and the house is not much better off than when we got home.   I wondered where all these clothes had come from to make up so many loads of laundry.  I swept and swept and wondered where all the crumbs had come from ( my boys!) and how long they had been there.  I was determined to teach them to follow through with cleaning up the messes they make.  After all, how are they going to become responsible adults if they can't clean up after themselves, right?  Yeah.  I was delusional and tired.  And ridiculous.  What was wrong with me?  I will tell you.  Selfishness.  Pride.  Impatience.  How can I even remotely expect perfection from my kids when they see their very imperfect mother everyday?  Why would I even want them to try to be perfect?  It is impossible.  The last thing I want to do is raise a little pharisee.  None of us will ever be perfect this side of heaven.  We can do nothing even close to that apart from Christ.  I was doing anything but show them God's grace and mercy. I was putting expectations upon them that I couldn't fulfill myself.  Shame on me.

God has a way of shining a light on things.  He brought to mind a former classmate of mine from high school who lost his young daughter less than a year ago.  I cannot imagine the ache he must feel everyday for the loss of his child.  My heart became so heavy for his loss.  I can't fathom the pain of losing a child.  I have two healthy, busy boys.  They make messes.  So what?  If I didn't have my boys, sure my laundry would be a little lighter and the crumbs wouldn't be as many, but the mess would still be here because Roger and I are here and we make messes too.  I am just glad that their crumbs are here too.  I would rather have their messes than not have them.  That is a no brainer.  I lost sight of my blessings.  I have an opportunity to show them God's love and mercy....to tell them about His grace, His Son....to teach them about repentance.....to teach them to forgive and to ask for forgiveness.  And I can train them to clean up too. They truly are gifts from God. He is so good and gracious to me.  It is so good to know that God can use broken vessels.  So thankful that He is not finished working on me.

My two little crumb makers